If you give a biologist a sample

Paradody of If you give a mouse a cookie and similar books by Laura Numeroff

If you give a biologist a sample
She'll want a microscope to look at it.
When she sees the beautiful polychaetes and bivalves,
She'll ask you for a pair of forceps to pick them out.
She'll probably need a petri dish for sorting
And a jar with some ethanol to store the specimens.

She'll start to wonder what the organisms are,
So she'll ask you for a dichotomous key,
And when she's finally finished identifying the species,
She'll want to know why they live where they do.

She'll want to go on an expedition
And run experiments in the lab.
She'll ask you for a ship and a crew.
She'll go out to sea for weeks at a time,
Taking measurements and collecting sediments
And strange, wonderful creatures from the deep.

When she returns home, she'll be exhausted
And probably want to take a nap.
She'll ask you for a blanket and a pillow.
She'll crawl in, make herself comfortable and fluff the pillow a few times
Then pass out like a dead woman.
When she wakes up, she'll be hungry
And you'll have to take her out to eat.

As you're driving home from the restaurant,
She'll see the lab in the distance.
She'll ask you to turn towards it,
Because now she's fully recuperated and wants to get back to work.

Walking into the lab, she'll see microscopes on the tables.
And if you let her sit at a microscope,
Chances are she'll want to look at a sample.