The unimaginable

 "[S]he is working through the unimaginable"
- "It's quiet uptown" from the musical Hamilton by Lin-Manuel Miranda

Friends, I always knew I would get to this point in my career, but it still feels hard to swallow. I can barely believe it. I am sending a team into the field and  - oh, I can't even say it! I am ... not going with them.

Can you imagine?!

Field work is the best - pretty much every scientist agrees on that. You're out in nature, on an adventure, wind in your hair, exotic food in your belly, salt on your skin, pushing yourself to the limits. It's awesome. How could I ever turn that down? 

Well, every scientist has to grow up eventually. It's not like I'm done with field work - I just had so much of it this year that I had to pass off a trip or two. The alternative was insanity and that disappointed look in my husband's eyes that says "You're leaving again?" Yes, this tenure-track lady had to give in and delegate for once. 

(Just this once.)

If I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and manage to stop thinking about how much I love traveling for long enough to focus on the present, I realize this is actually a landmark in my career. I have people now. Regular readers of this blog will have no hard time remembering the days when I lusted after my own lab, my own students, my own research program. I wanted nothing more than to lead my own small army "into battle against ignorance and the unknown." Well, I have that now. I have a student and a research associate. My lab has former members. Who would have imagined that?

Maybe someday I will get good at this. Maybe someday I will truly live the words of Constantin Brancusi that I admire so much - "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave." I've got the slave part down. Now for the other two.