Like that

"With a Ph.D., there is only before and after. The actual moment passes like that." - Astri J.S. Kvassnes

Before: There was a soft rap on the door. Must be Craig. I thought. I flung it open playfully, joyfully. I handed him the bag of items he had requested, forgot the receipt, ran into my room to get the receipt. We chatted. "So, are you ready for tomorrow?" he asked, "Has it hit you yet? Are you nervous?" Well, I thought, I am now.

After: Making my way to the end of the long restaurant table, I sat down between two good friends. I had been working the room for the last half hour, changing seats with every course. These two were the last stop. Parents, grandparents, friends, colleagues - I made sure to spend time with them all. A few seats away, my mom gained permission to hold Laura's 6-month-old baby, and the cutie emerged from his car seat. Mom's always been good with babies.

Before: I made my way down to the front of the Boathouse Auditorium and kicked off my shoes. If I was going to be arranging tables and hauling chairs, I sure wasn't going to do it in heels. Three large windows gave me an almost panoramic view of the bay. Outside, I could see Andrew on the wooden dock. I waved to him, but his back was turned as he enjoyed the ocean view. 

After: I seated myself in the middle of the table, sandwiched between colleagues and family. I can move seats later, I thought, to make sure I spend time with to everyone. Down the table, Dad and Rick were distributing drinks.

Before: Andrew came into the auditorium and handed me his phone. "Astri wants to say something to you." I pressed the phone to my ear and listened to her warm encouragement. What a wonderful woman. As I listened, I was reminded of how much I enjoy the playful lilt of her voice.

After: I made the rounds, hugging each one of the dear souls who had waited on me in the parking lot. 

Before: Sephra was the first to arrive, then some ladies from church, then my family. The scientists filtered in one by one, some from class, some from the field. As the room filled up, I became ever more grateful for my lack of stage fright. Public speaking has never phased me - and thank goodness.

After: Wes was the first one to see me when I emerged. He didn't ask questions, just swallowed me with his giant arms. I was grateful for his stability and let myself lean on him for a moment. I was tired.

Before: Craig loves trying to throw me off - not in a malicious way, but in a playful, you-totally-got-this-so-I-just-have-to-mess-with-you way. He's talking about a poem by Edward Forbes. Oh gosh, he's going to recite the poem, isn't he? He's going to recite the whole poem!

After: I needed a break. I had to have a break. Just one moment alone. I retreated into the bathroom, but not two seconds later, there were footsteps in the hall. A muffled voice: "Where's Kirstin?"

Before: Craig finished introducing me and took his seat. I took a deep breath. I stood up. I scanned the room full of faces. And I opened the first slide.

After: Andrew shook my hand, looked me square in the eye, and said "Congratulations, Dr. Meyer."