Blip

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”

- “Closing time” by Semisonic 

Every ending feels different, and many of them feel different than I expect them to. Most of them come upon me suddenly, even though they’ve been on my calendar for months. I am frequently caught off-guard and have precious little time to process the accompanying emotions. For as long as I can remember, I have loved beginnings – the first day of school, a sunrise, a plane taking off – but I’ve come to appreciate endings more and more over the past few years. I love the feeling of completeness, of having accomplished something. I relish the chance to look back and review where I’ve been. Endings are a chance to zoom out, release my focus on the details, and to feel. Music helps me. When I know an end is coming, I love to just sit in a quiet place, put the perfect song on repeat, look up at the sky, and imagine I can feel the Earth spinning.

The past few years have contained a number of endings for me – departing Norway, the ends of cruises, finishing my PhD, saying goodbye to interns. Each one has felt different, and many of them have felt different than I expected them to.

Friends, this week, I experienced another ending of sorts, as my postdoctoral position at WHOI came to a close. My contract is expired, and until I begin my new position as an Assistant Scientist in January, I am technically unemployed. The transition caught everyone, including my advisor, by surprise, even though we had known it was coming for months. To be honest, the ending was not dramatic. By many measures, it was a blip. My office is still set up and will remain so until I move into my new lab (my very own lab!) in January. I still have papers in progress and a proposal to finish with my advisor. My first few months as scientific staff will have plenty of carry-over from my postdoctoral days, and I know myself well enough to expect that even my month of unemployment will contain some scientific work.

Still, it is an ending, and a good one at that. My advisor invited the whole lab to lunch, which left me feeling embraced and appreciated and warm. I’m grateful that I still get to work with her in my new position. 

Friends, I am no longer a postdoc. On to the next adventure.